don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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