I'm so fucking centered right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
