Will you blow on my dice?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
