my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
