dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
