We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
