she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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