Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
