hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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