I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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