I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
