And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
