Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
