I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
