Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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