I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
