When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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