what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
