After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
