im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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