I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
