does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
