Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
