Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
