She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
