im holly from the hills drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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