Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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