it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
