apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
