he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
