Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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