I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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