Do you still have your period?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
