do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Houston, we have a blender
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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