half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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