I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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