well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
