then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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