im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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