I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i barfeds in our rink
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You ruined the universe
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
