If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
