Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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