I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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