she woke up with a sticky ear
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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