it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
