Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
