Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
