He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
