I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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