I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
